The Vizsla Newzsletter (April / May 99)
WINNERS BITCH SEEKS BEST OF OPPOSITE SEX:

You know you've waited too long to find a mate when.....

• You overhear someone mention her husband's tie, and you ask how long it was, and you both stand there with blank expressions.
• you think stripping is something you do to your terrier.
• when you talk with your friends about sex, you're discussing progesterone testing, vaginal cytol-ogy, and artificial insemination.

  
  Image: Baro (Miklos of Szep-Allat) waiting for his turn to go field trialing

• you think nothing about loudly discussing studs and bitches in a fancy restaurant.
• the first thing you notice about a guy is what breed of dog he has.
• your biggest turn-off is a guy with an obnoxious untrained dog.
• you dismiss all the guys your mother introduces you to as "not breeding quality" .
• you never could stick to a diet to impress a guy, but you can do it to cut 2 seconds from your time on the agility course.
• your only nice jewellery features either dogs, dumbells, or rosettes.
• you have a video on how to artificially inseminate your dog but last watched a dirty movie in junior high school.
• when you talk about "scoring" you mean how you did at last weekend's obedience trial.
• you wonder if you did find a guy, if he would mind sleeping in the expensive dog bed that your dog has never used because he prefers to sleep with you.
• your dog has more letters after his name than the last ten guys you've dated, and actually completed obedience school.
• you think that maybe your current guy has potential if you use the proper combination of positive reinforcement and the occasional well timed ear pinch.
• you "people watch" at the mall by making mental lists of the conformational faults each by-passer has to contribute to the gene pool.
• you think if you ever did marry and have children that you wouldn't have to buy a playpen be-cause you already have an extra x-pen.
• you give all of your married friends child rearing advice based on our extensive background in dog training.
• your mother's second worst fear is you'll get married and your dog will be in the wedding party.
• your mother's second worst fear is you'll get married and your dog will be in the wedding party.
• your mother's second worst fear is you'll get married and your dog will be in the wedding party.
• you actually have friends whose dogs HAVE been part of the wedding party.
• when your cousin tells you how much her wedding costs you think how many show quality pup-pies that could buy you.
• you can imagine using a shock collar on your best friend's children, but would never dream of putting one on your dog.
• all of your friends always include your dog in any invitation they issue to you. Of course, you reciprocate because you only have doggy friends left- the others have stopped inviting you places be-cause you insist on bringing the dog!
• when you read the personal ads you skip past the vital statistics and rule out any that don't say "animal lover".
• your dog has a gold crown on his fractured tooth (you were afraid if you had it pulled he'd have a sloppy dumbell pickup) but you haven't been to the dentist in three years.
• you know your dog's cholesterol but not your own.
• when you lament to your friends about chronic yeast infections, they don't know you're talking about your dogs ears.
• you haven't had an HIV test but you regularly brucella test your dog before each breeding.
• you think that people with bad bites shouldn't be allowed to breed.
• when someone mentions single bars, you wonder if they are talking about utility or agility jumps.
• when you go "clubbing", you have your choice of the all breed club, the specialty club, the training club, or the parent club.
• your non-doggy friends can't understand why you're so excited about your new CD.